Honoring The Past
Travis, Kelsey and their mom, Dianne.
You know, to form a blended family, one or both husband and wife bring at least one child into the new marriage. And that child may have come out of a relationship that ended in death or divorce. My biological children came into our blended family because of the death of their mother, Dianne. Someone they knew all of their lives was physically removed from them for the rest of their lives. The only thing they really have of her are their memories, some pictures and any story I share with them.
The memories, pictures and stories are a way that they can honor their mom. I am grateful to God that I have a wife, who from the beginning of our marriage, saw the importance of Kelsey and Travis being able to honor their mom freely. Unfortunately, all kids don’t have it that way. There are stepparents who for a variety of reasons see no reason to honor the memory of their stepchild’s deceased parent. By honoring, I don’t mean setting up a memorial or monument in the home, but being able to freely share memories without fear of guilt or condemnation.
It is important for the non-biological parent to create an environment that is welcoming, inviting and relaxing enough for their covenant child or children to feel free and open to honor that parent who is no longer around. Parents, we set the tone. As I said earlier, I am blessed to have a wife who shows honor to her covenant children’s mom. When we have visitors in our home, she freely shows Dianne’s picture to our guests.
We all have a past and in a blended family, instead of just two people with a past, you have multiple people with a past. Therefore, the issue is what you do with it. Yes, some people and events are so painful you would rather forget them. But then there are those that are special. You don’t want to forget them. You want to treasure and honor them for how they either impacted your life or gave you life itself.